


to find a home, to make it yours

by RK96000



Series: our household of lies [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Hinata Shouyou-centric, M/M, Seijou!Hinata
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RK96000/pseuds/RK96000
Summary: The first thing Shouyou sees as he walks outside with the team (with his team) is the familiar sight of the bus, bringing a smile to his face as he glances at Tooru, his boyfriend- the second thing he sees makes his smile drop and the ground beneath him turn to ashes.Shouyou stops.This wasn’t supposed to happen, he thinks, numb even as the anxiety in his stomach skyrockets and vomit climbs up his throat like poison and like acid, burning and burning-Shouyou stares at his mother and all he can think is, oh, this wasn’t supposed to happen.sequel for "to greater things beyond the unknown"
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru
Series: our household of lies [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022320
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	1. To Break a Promise

The first thing Shouyou sees as he walks outside with the team is the familiar sight of the bus, bringing a smile to his face as he glances at Tooru, his boyfriend- the second thing he sees makes his smile drop and the ground beneath him give way. 

Shouyou stops.

 _This wasn’t supposed to happen_ , he thinks, numb even as the anxiety in his stomach skyrockets and vomit climbs up his throat like poison and like acid, burning and _burning_ -

(The taste of victory, once so sweet upon his tongue, crumbles to ashes.)

Shouyou stares at his mother and all he can think is, _oh,_ this wasn’t supposed to happen. 

She looks exhausted even from just a quick glance but as his gaze lingers, trapped by some all-powerful force (as if it was only the two of them in this world), his heart nearly trips over itself in an erratic beat. 

She looks _manic_.

Desperation twists in her eyes, cracked and broken- but worst of all, all Shouyou can see is how heavy the bags under her eyes are, how her skin looks pale and nearly translucent underneath the harsh fluorescent lights, and how her eyelids keep drooping shut and then snapping open as the seconds pass.

(Shouyou’s mother is a monster- but she looks so achingly human.)

“I have to-” Shouyou stops. He chokes on the words. He burns. “I have to use the bathroom.”

For a moment, there is only quiet, and then, the arm that had been so comfortably draped across Shouyou’s shoulder stiffens and he steadfastly stares at the ground to avoid glancing up at his overly perceptive boyfriend’s gaze. 

“Okay,” Tooru says, slow and quiet- he can almost hear the cogs of Tooru’s brain turning and grinding as he searches for the missing piece that will click into place and have everything make sense. 

And then, because Tooru is stupidly charming in the most adorable way, he lets go of Shouyou’s hand reluctantly, and with a small smile and a wink, tells him, “Good luck!”

“It’s just the bathroom!” Shouyou pouts, but the second after, it crumbles as he lets himself laugh, caught up in the moment as he gazes upon his boyfriend. When he’s with Tooru, he knows he’ll be okay- that no one could ever touch him. 

“But,” Shouyou continues, hesitating over finally walking towards the lobby (and towards his doom), “I’ll do my best..!”

“If you need anything,” Tooru says, careful and slow- there’s worry hidden underneath his lighthearted tone, a marked difference from his teasing just a moment ago, “just text or call me and I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” 

Shouyou nods, a smile tugging at his lips. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how happy (and how _safe_ ) Tooru always makes him feel. 

Just for a brief second, Tooru lets his hand linger on Shouyou’s shoulder with a gentle tenderness before it falls and he turns away- it’s only at the last possible moment when the warmth of Tooru’s hand becomes but a distant memory that Shouyou can finally force himself to step forward.

Akira clears his throat.

Slowly, Shouyou forces himself to meet his eyes with a wariness that he can only hope goes unseen- despite how unaffected Akira’s stare might be, he can see his fists are clenched, so tight that they’re trembling.

Akira blazes forward by a few steps. 

There’s a burning in his eyes that stops Shouyou in his tracks, familiar in its fury despite how it’s been weeks since they’ve even broached the topic of-

“I'll go with you,” Akira offers, and Shouyou’s lips twist into a grimace- bringing Akira to talking with his mother might be a great idea for Shouyou personally but Akira would get hurt, and that, more than anything, is a sacrifice Shouyou would never make again.

“That’s- It’ll be-” Shouyou stops again. 

It turns out lying is very hard.

(He hasn’t had to lie in a long, long time.)

“I’ll be okay,” he settles on- because at the very least, it’s true. “I need time. Alone.”

“It’ll only be a few minutes,” Shouyou says before Akira can say a single word and expose the reality of the situation to Shouyou’s overprotective boyfriend (although his mother _had_ hit him and threatened him and-), “I promise.”

(He just hopes he can keep it.)

“Be careful,” Akira calls out from behind him, his voice sounding as still and unmovable as ever despite the hint of worry that lies deep, deep underneath.

(But even if his mother burns him with her touch and shatters him again into a thousand different pieces, broken beyond what he ever thought he could repair, Tooru and Akira would be there to pick up the pieces.)

Shouyou glances back and can’t help but grin at his closest friend as he notices Tooru slowly gravitating towards Iwaizumi with a sparkle in his eyes and the rest of the team bickering between themselves for who got the coveted window seats- even if they weren’t _really_ his team, fondness lit to life within his chest, quiet and fragile but so soft that he couldn’t even mind.

“No need to worry,” Shouyou says and _no point in worrying_ _about someone like me_ is left unsaid. “I always am!”

The door swings open, and Shouyou takes in the longest, deepest breath that he can (without it being so absurdly long that the stares of others burn into his skin) before stepping through the door into what once was a safe space but now was his mother’s territory.

Unlike before, even the briefest lingering gaze was enough to leave Shouyou’s stomach twisting and turning, his traitorous mind turning from _maybe they’re looking because we won_ or _Tooru is so pretty and handsome, how would you not look?_ to _they know. They all know._

(They didn’t- they _couldn’t_.)

“Shouyou!” his mother coos and reaches out a hand.

He flinches.

(Her smile freezes for a moment. Her hand falls away.)

If his heart freezes for the briefest moment before jolting into a manic _thump, thump, thump_ , echoing loudly in his ears, then he doesn’t let it show- he forces a trembling smile on and keeps painfully still, despite how his mind is desperately twisted around the thought of running away back to safety.

“Mom,” he greets back, hoping the slight wobble to his voice can be explained by post-game nerves or the slight chill to the room or _anything_ , as long as his mother didn’t realize it was (still) because of her. And then, because the informality burns like a cruel mockery when they both know everything she’s done to him- “Mother.”

Instead of irritation casting a dark shadow across her face and twisting it into something too familiar in its terrifying image- instead of the apathy quickly turning to hatred like it always has, his mother _smiles_ instead.

“You won your game,” his mother says, taking exactly three steps forward with that same smile still painted on her face. Her voice is warm, but rather than remind of the sweet kindness of his friends or of everyone who had ever been good to him, it reminds him of what he thinks burning alive in hell would feel like instead. “It’s surprising you’re even on the team- you’re only a first year, after all.”

“I’m not just-” Shouyou immediately argues, the familiar flare of insecurity uncomfortably tight in his chest but he shoves the frustration as far down as he can and swallows the rest of his words, even as they burn- his mother’s eyes flicker with the fragments of what broke her son.

She is dangerous.

(And that is the one thing Shouyou can never forget.)

But then, her smile actually warms, so fond and proud that it reminds him of the same look she used to always give Natsu that he would yearn so badly for- it’s only after he blinks that he realizes _oh_ , it’s not _like_ that look. 

It _is_ that look.

“Congratulations,” she praises, the word dripping like pure honey, so overwhelmingly and dizzyingly sweet.

For a moment, Shouyou stares, frozen as heat rushes to his cheeks and the floor beneath him trembles. “Thanks?” he struggles to say instead, wishing it was anyone else congratulating him so the awkwardness wouldn’t be quite as deadly as it was right now.

His mother had come to his game, had actually _watched_ the whole thing voluntarily, had congratulated him- something deep down in Shouyou soars, a dizzying rush of delight arising from the ashes. 

He finally made his mother proud.

(This isn’t supposed to happen.)

Finally, the smile drops- but the act doesn’t.

“Come home,” his mother says, nothing like a question and everything like a demand, her voice unflinching and unyielding. And then, as if to rub salt in the wound, “It’s been so _long_.”

The artificial high Shouyou had gotten from his mother’s out-of-character compliment crumbles back to ashes- now, he thinks he might choke on them. 

The thing is that Shouyou is _happy_ with Akira and his family. They’re kind and always make him feel included, even if he doesn’t truly have a place there.

“It has been long,” Shouyou agrees, as slow as he can manage- even as his mind desperately whirs, searching for a perfect solution to this problem and a final resolution, it stays painfully blank. He can’t help but glance back towards the Aoba Johsai bus. A few minutes, he had said- how many had already slipped from his grasp? “But I’m busy with Interhigh.”

For a moment, silence- for a moment, Shouyou’s mother stops with a considering gleam to her eyes and Shouyou can only hope his mother will agree, disappear from his life forever, and things can go back to being perfect.

But the thing is, as the considering gleam fades from view and Shouyou’s heart does an aching little twinge, he and his mother both know he doesn’t _deserve_ a perfect life.

(He doesn’t even deserve being happy.)

“And it isn’t more work to stay with strangers?” His mother points out, and with that swift question, his excuse crumbles before his very eyes. “Shouldn’t you be staying with family?”

It should be bad that his first thought is an innocuous _I’m sorry, we’re family?_ and it should be even worse that it makes him laugh, hiding a snort of laughter behind his hand.

Then, the humor melts away and the only thing left is his mother and her impatient gaze and the hell that she’s asking him to willingly walk back into.

“Uh,” Shouyou starts, stumbling over the words- how does he say _no_ without actually saying no? He glances down at his phone, a heavy weight burning a hole in his pocket, and wishes he could just pick it up and text Tooru (and wishes Tooru could fix everything). “I don’t think-”

Then, Shouyou’s phone vibrates.

 **Akira** : It’s been three minutes. See you soon.

Just a moment longer and he wouldn’t be alone- 

“Akira,” he blurts out as an explanation when his mother’s gaze burns into his, and looks away when her gaze inevitably hardens. “My friend.”

Shouyou’s mother hums, a sickly sweet melody. “Oh, I know, darling.”

(It shouldn’t make Shouyou straighten up a little more after the endearment, shouldn’t have made a smile begin to tug at his lips- but after an entire lifetime of bitter coldness, a little warmth and a little sunshine felt as if he was floating on thin air from happiness alone.)

When Akira comes, he brings backup in the form of Tooru- the two of them are so much taller than both Shouyou and his mother that he wishes, once again, that he was taller.

(If he was taller, maybe his mother wouldn’t have hit him.)

“Tooru,” Shouyou chokes out, immediately rushing besides him and clinging onto his arm with a tightness that surprises even him- he wasn’t _that_ scared, was he?

Tooru glances down at him and his gaze of pure steel fades away into something softer. “Shou-chan,” Tooru says quietly, instead, as if he was worth protecting, and pushes Shouyou further behind him.

“I’m not sure why Shouyou thought he would need the entire cavalry,” his mother says, with a tilting mockery that hadn’t been there just a few minutes ago. “I’m only his mother.”

Akira scoffs, shoulders set as if he was about to head into a particularly difficult volleyball game in the second set of the final match- as if he was about to head into battle. And as if he wasn’t just talking with someone who was _only his mother_.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Tooru interrupts, putting a hand on Akira's shoulder as if to remind him of where they were- Akira’s jaw stays locked, even if his eyes burn with a familiar, explosive fury. “You’ve never been Shouyou’s mother- and you never will.”

Shouyou’s mother clicks her tongue- dissatisfied. 

(She doesn’t care enough about what they think to even bother trying to change their minds.)

His mother raises her hand again, the most innocent of gestures, but Shouyou can’t help the step back that he takes or the jolt of fear that slithers up his spine like an old friend. 

“Well?”

And, as if to seal the final nail in his coffin, “I miss you, my son.”

 _My son_ , Shouyou thinks, over and over, desperation twisting the syllables as he mouths them, again and again. _My son, my son, my_ -

There’s something achingly familiar in her eyes.

Beyond the exhaustion, there is loneliness.

She has no one, Shouyou knows- no one except for him.

(Shouyou should say no.)

“I’ll think about it,” he says instead, quiet and subdued and wishing he could go back to energetically shouting at Tooru about all the coolest things that had happened in their match- wishing his mother had never come back at all. 

And, even as it burns- “I promise.”

For a moment, all is still.

Then, as quickly as she had barged into his life, Shouyou’s mother nods sharply and strides away, fading into the crowd before he can even think of leaving first.

Step after step, Shouyou follows close behind Tooru and Akira to the safety of the outside and the bus- he thinks they might have said something but they might have not, his mind too lost in repeating the conversation over and over as if a single uptick to his mother’s voice or a specific phrase she used would reveal her hidden motives.

“Is everything okay?” Akira asks before they split off into their own paired seats, hovering over him as if he was actually worried.

“Of course!” Shouyou reassures him with a grin that Akira hesitantly returns. “It always is when I’m with you guys.”

It should bother him how easily the not-truth but not-quite-lie slips from his lips.

(It doesn’t.)

Akira rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, Shouyou.”

Shouyou nods, as earnestly as he can, and settles into his seat next to Tooru as he victoriously claims the window seat- he glances at Tooru to stick his tongue out and gloat at his easy win, but Tooru’s gaze is still heavy and withdrawn from their encounter with Shouyou’s mother.

“Shou-chan,” Tooru says, quiet and contained- and worried. “Are you actually going to go back?”

 _Of course not_ , Shouyou wishes he could say and relieve all of Tooru’s concerns, but he doesn’t even know if he really has a choice. She’s his _mother_ , legally speaking, but even besides that, she had actually looked like she _wanted_ him to come home to her.

“I don’t know,” Shouyou confesses, uncertainty gripping his heart. “I can do at least one dinner! Probably.”

Tooru exhales a small sigh, harsh and wracked with so much worry that a part of Shouyou twists itself into knots over the terrible guilt. “You’re going to kill me, Shou-chan,” he says, and because it’s a joke (and because that’s what it’s always been), Shouyou paints a smile on his own face and laughs. 

“It would only be one time!” Shouyou squeezes Tooru’s hand with his own as a reassurance, relaxing when the tension slowly seeps away from Tooru’s shoulders. “If I need anything, I’ll call you- I promise.”

Sighing yet again, Tooru opens his mouth as if to say something before it snaps shut and his lips twist into a grimace instead- Shouyou knows exactly what Tooru thinks of his mother but he _also_ knows Tooru isn’t going to air all of Shouyou’s dirty laundry in front of the entire volleyball club. 

“Later?” Tooru asks, a quiet plea, and even as Shouyou’s heart sinks, he nods. 

Then, because this day has been exhausting in more ways than one, Shouyou holds back a giant yawn as he wraps his arms around Tooru’s arm like his own personal teddy bear. “Night,” he mumbles against Tooru’s shoulder, each blink lasting longer than the last.

To his credit, Tooru doesn’t complain even once, only glancing down with a fond smile and wriggling further down so that he could rest his head on the top of Shouyou’s. “Goodnight, Shou-chan!”

 _Just once_ , Shouyou thinks to himself, letting his eyes finally shut, and settles in for the long journey back.

Shouyou’s mother is a monster- he _knows_ that, everyone in his life does.

(So why does he still love her?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would highly recommend reading both of the previous installments in this series or else this fic probably won't make a lot sense- I'll be building off a few plot threads brought up in the prequel for the fic that this work is a sequel for!  
> Additionally, if you happen to be interested in some kenhina, I've just posted a oneshot about them!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Friends and Foes (and Where the Line Gets Blurred)

But before anything else, there is Interhigh.

(And if the only thing Shouyou lets himself think of is the steady thrum of _volleyball_ , _volleyball_ , _volleyball_ within his chest, then that only means there’s less time to think of his mother and what her words meant for him- for _them_.)

The match for today isn’t against a faceless, nameless opponent like it had been yesterday.

Before, Shouyou had known he could rely on the rest of the team to cover for his receives or serves whenever he struggled (and even though Iwaizumi and Tooru had bothered to train him as much as they did, it didn’t change the fact that they had years and years of experience where Shouyou had months)-

But today, there is Karasuno. 

The same team with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, who he’d only just been texting earlier that day about anything and everything that had come to mind, who had brought a smile to his face in the middle of his most dreaded class, _English_.

They will see that Shouyou is a disappointment.

(And then, they will leave him.)

And worse, Kageyama, who put on a tough facade but shoved cartons of milk inside Shouyou’s bags whenever they hung out to practice together (as if he wouldn’t notice the suspicious rectangular shapes jutting out)- Kageyama, who had no obligation to at all but practiced with him anyways.

( _What have you been doing these past few months?!_ )

“Shouyou!” 

He blinks and shakes himself back to reality, ignoring the nauseating twist and pull of his stomach as he tries (and fails) to smile at a squinting Akira and a clearly concerned Kindaichi.

“We still have time!” Shouyou immediately points out with an anxious glance at the clock far above as he wraps his arms as tightly as he can around his knees- thankfully, he’s right and fifteen minutes still remain before the only match they have today. 

Kindaichi coughs. It sounds suspiciously like a laugh. “Akira was just worried about how you were spacing out,” Kindaichi easily translates and Shouyou breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

At times, it felt like he was always on the defensive, always seeking out an answer, a justification for what he was doing- but despite that, Shouyou takes a deep breath, in for four seconds and then out for another four, and he smiles.

“Aw, _Akira_ ,” Shouyou begins, and clearly Akira has gotten used to his antics because he sinks into his jacket, disappearing until only his eyes remain. “You’re so-”

“Oh no,” Akira says, his voice so bland and dry that it almost disguises the slight flush to his cheeks, “I’m getting an emergency call from my mother.”

Akira holds up his phone before scuttling away to the opposite corner of the room- it’s only after he’s long gone that Shouyou realizes the screen wasn’t even lit up.

But as Shouyou prepares himself to face the absolute whirlwind of thoughts still swirling around in his mind, he blinks and tilts his head when he notices Kindaichi has sat down on the floor besides him.

For a few, brief seconds, Kindaichi says nothing, staring intensely at the ground as if the pieces of lint on the floor would magically provide an answer to whatever question he was thinking of.

“He’s worried,” Kindaichi quietly says, and somehow, this _worried_ sounds ten times worse than the one from only a few moments ago. “ _Really_ worried, Hinata.”

Shouyou nods, drawing in a breath so quiet even as it trembles and shudders within his chest- he shouldn’t be worrying the people he cares about, Kindaichi is warning him, and the message is received loud and clear. 

His anxiety had never been fun to deal with for anyone, anyways- always pushed away by his parents whenever the world around him faded to a distant blur, the only sound being the blood pounding in his ears as the ground beneath him gave way.

And in the end, he was alone.

He always had been.

“I understand,” Shouyou tells Kindaichi, his voice sounding so fragile and thin even to himself- he _does_ understand. He just wishes he doesn’t. “I’ll do better, Kindaichi. I-”

A quiet cough.

The words die in his throat.

“Iwaizumi!” Kindaichi shouts, his back looking stiff as he straightens up. Shouyou, though, only sinks further and closer to the floor, feeling as though that cough could never bode well.

(They were taking him off the team, weren’t they?)

After a slightly awkward moment where Iwaizumi idles nearby with a conflicted expression, Kindaichi finally seems to get the hint and, with one last concerned glance that Shouyou ducks his head to avoid, nearly jumps off of the floor and towards where Akira was still awkwardly standing. 

Iwaizumi lets out a quiet, troubled sigh (and that was _definitely_ not good) before settling down next to him. 

“Something is bothering you,” Iwaizumi says, stating it with so much confidence that Shouyou burrows his head between his knees to ignore his piercing gaze.

Shouyou laughs a little- sometimes, it’s the only thing he feels like he can do. “I’m not _that_ obvious, am I?” he peeks up and instantly regrets it as his stomach churns like a boiling pot at the brink of finally spilling over.

Iwaizumi blinks. “It’s... not hard to notice when someone you care about is clearly upset, Hinata.”

(Iwaizumi cares about him?)

“You-” Shouyou forcibly stops himself. “Right. I’m on your team.”

“ _Our_ team,” Iwaizumi corrects but lets out another sigh. “But I have the feeling that the specifics of our team lineup aren’t what’s actually bothering you for once.”

Shouyou shrugs helplessly. “They’re not the _only_ thing,” he hedges.

“You think too much,” Iwaizumi scolds under his breath, sounding so much like all the times when he bickered with Tooru that Shouyou glances away to hide the curve to his lips and the gentle fluttering of warmth from the feeling that maybe, Iwaizumi _did_ care about him. “You love volleyball, right?”

He nods before even thinking of spending a single second of deliberation on the question. Of _course_ Shouyou loves volleyball, it’s a fact of his life, just like how his own-

“My mom invited me over for dinner,” Shouyou confesses, dropping his voice so that it won’t carry as much across the room. “I don’t know if I should go.”

(The truth is that he doesn’t think he should- and maybe, that’s exactly why he wants to.)

Iwaizumi hesitates and Shouyou can’t help but wonder what he knows of Shouyou and his mother’s situation from the brief snippets Tooru must have told him. 

“I shouldn’t,” Shouyou says, glancing across the room to see Kindaichi and Akira discussing something quietly themselves before focusing back on the floor. “Everyone thinks I-”

“What do you want?”

Shouyou stops. 

“I want to go,” he admits and despises how the words feel so slimy on his tongue, as if he was betraying everyone who had bothered to care about him. “She’s my _mom_ and- and this is the most she’s ever actually looked at me and _seen_ me.”

Iwaizumi nods before standing up as if to leave- Shouyou stumbles to his feet too, trailing after Iwaizumi for a few seconds until Iwaizumi glances back with a fond smile and a raised eyebrow.

“You didn’t say what I should do,” Shouyou blurts out, wringing his hands.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi agrees easily. “I didn’t.”

After Shouyou stares for a long moment, utterly uncomprehending, Iwaizumi takes pity on him.

“Only you can decide what you do,” Iwaizumi finally answers. “Just talk to Shittykawa and there’s no way he won’t listen. And if your mother tries to pull anything, call Oikawa or, if you _really_ don’t want to bother him, just call me, okay?”

Shouyou hesitates. “You really wouldn’t mind?”

Iwaizumi doesn’t even know what his mother has done and yet-

“Of course,” Iwaizumi responds, as if it’s really that easy, and ruffles his hair with a soft, exasperated sigh. “What are teammates for?”

Then, something catches his eye and he heads off with a stern look in his eye after giving Shouyou a comforting pat on the shoulder. 

_Wow_ , Shouyou thinks, stumbling back against the wall a few steps away. 

Iwaizumi is probably the _best_ senpai ever.

Still, the passage of time has trekked on, disregarding how Shouyou clearly needs several hours (if not _lifetimes_ ) to puzzle over his current situation, and now, only ten minutes remain.

“Time for warm ups!” Tooru says in his captain voice, a confident smirk tugging on his lips in a ridiculously handsome way- when his gaze splits off from the others and finds Shouyou, he brightens and waves him over.

Shouyou hesitates.

After he triple-checks that Tooru wasn’t gesturing at anyone else nearby him, he threads through the rest of the Aoba Johsai volleyball team, weaving between the much taller players with careless ease.

Only for Shouyou to smack right into the back of-

“Matsukawa-senpai!” Shouyou shrinks away and, wracking his brain for what he should do, manages a stiff bow, “I, uh- Sorry-”

“Just Matsukawa is fine,” and he cracks a small, easygoing smile, waving off the stuttered apology. “Don’t mind, Hinata- better catch up to your boyfriend before he pouts himself to death.”

Shouyou nods, edging further and further away until Matsukawa jogs after Hanamaki with a, “You bastard. Couldn’t even wait _five_ seconds.”

Once Matsukawa is gone, he finally lets out a quiet sigh and carefully walks the rest of the way to Tooru- _just_ Matsukawa, he thinks, and he wonders if it’s because they’re teammates.

“Ooh, Shou-chan,” Tooru sing-songs, “you’re having _good_ thoughts for once!”

Shouyou pouts but follows Tooru inside the gymnasium anyways. 

“I always-” 

Tooru stares. 

“Well,” Shouyou amends with a sheepish smile, “whenever I’m with you, I can’t help but have good thoughts.”

Tooru stares even more- this time, it isn’t nearly as disbelieving and only lasts a few seconds before Tooru huffs out a small laugh, soft and quiet and just for the two of them. “Sure, Shou-chan-”

“I’m serious!” Shouyou insists and picks up a volleyball from a nearby cart so he doesn’t have to look Tooru in the eyes. “You make me feel…” _happy and loved and_ \- “Safe. Like no one could ever hurt me as long as you’re around.”

Then, a gentle hand brushes against his own, fingers interlocking with the usual reassuring warmth that comes from being besides his boyfriend. 

“I would never let anyone hurt you,” Tooru’s grasp tightens for the briefest of seconds before it loosens, Shouyou twisting around to glance at the mildly unsettling blankness he finds masking Tooru’s expression.

“Tooru,” Shouyou tugs his hand away and pulls Tooru into the biggest, warmest hug he can possibly manage- when Tooru’s shoulders finally loosen from where they had been so stiff just a few seconds ago, he lets out a quiet sigh of relief that he can bring his boyfriend even a fraction of comfort that Tooru gives to him. “I’ll be okay, I promise.”

Then, as Shouyou anxiously steps back, glancing around to see if anyone had been looking too closely, his gaze finally falls back on a frozen Tooru, armed with narrowed eyes and a heavy frown.

“You’re going,” Tooru says, and the terrifying stillness is back- somehow, it feels worse than the anger or the pain, because when Shouyou didn’t know what was wrong, he had no clue how to prepare.

When Shouyou reaches out a hand, Tooru doesn’t move to take it.

His hand falls away.

 _Oh_ , Shouyou thinks and stumbles away as a great ache splits his chest in two- _stupid_. _So stupid_.

“Shou-chan, wait-” Tooru calls out, and despite the rejection thundering in his ears and the erratic _thump_ of his heart hammering in his chest, Shouyou still does.

“I can’t leave things the way that they are,” Shouyou tells him, and the words burn, but they are the _truth_. “I need to know what changed- if _she_ changed.”

Tooru grimaces, still clearly wanting Shouyou’s mother to stay as far away from him as humanly possible, but before Tooru can point out any of his mother’s… numerous flaws, Shouyou forces himself to continue-

“I deserve to know the truth.”

 _Was it really me?_ Shouyou thinks, swallowing the fading lump in his throat and blinking before he joins the rest of the team as they get ready for warmups. _Or was it you?_

“Come on, Captain!” Shouyou shouts with a blinding grin as the anxiety dwelling in the darkest pits of his stomach fades for one brief second- Tooru laughs to himself but lets his land linger on Shouyou’s shoulder as he brushes past him to begin addressing the rest of the team.

Then, Shouyou glances across the volleyball court, and there stands Kageyama, arguing under his breath with what looked to be the Karasuno captain.

It doesn’t look particularly _good_ , and just as Shouyou wonders if it would be weird for a member of the opposing team to casually run to the other team and steal one of their team members for a few minutes, his heart drops.

Tsukishima lets out a loud scoff.

But, oddly enough, whatever he says next, drowned out by the sound of the Aoba Johsai volleyball team’s banter, doesn’t seem to get Kageyama’s hackles nearly as raised as they usually are whenever Tsukishima speaks.

The Karasuno captain blinks and asks Kageyama something- oddly enough, Kageyama’s gaze slides over to Shouyou before he nods stiffly. 

Shouyou waves awkwardly with the brightest smile he can manage- he can’t help but wonder if, somehow, they’re talking about _him_.

(Yamaguchi is the only one to wave back.)

Despite how the Karasuno captain continues to speak in a low, stern lecture, Kageyama’s gaze never leaves Shouyou and a wicked smirk appears at the same time that the flare of a challenge lights up in his eyes.

 _Ah_ , Shouyou thinks. That definitely solves the question of whether Kageyama would be playing in the starting lineup for their game.

“Tobio-chan is setting,” Tooru frowns before it fades away into an easy, unaffected smile. “This’ll be fun!”

Shouyou grins and nods energetically, but before he can respond in kind, Tooru’s smile drops and the usual Kageyama-specific emotions arise in his eyes, a complicated entanglement of disgust and hatred and- jealousy.

“I can’t wait to crush him.”

Then, Iwaizumi smacks Tooru on the back of his head.

“Stupidkawa,” Iwaizumi glares and Shouyou shrinks away, edging further behind the nearby Akira, but he nearly coughs out a startled laugh as Iwaizumi adds on, “we’re not _crushing_ anyone- but if we were, we would crush _them_.”

Shouyou glances at Akira and Kindaichi, relieved to see that they seem just as stunned as he is, despite how the rest of the team doesn’t even seem surprised as their captain continues- rather, everyone’s previously easygoing smiles and smirks sharpen into something else entirely.

“I’m trusting you.” 

Tooru glances back and smiles right as his gaze locks onto Shouyou before he steps away and leads the rest of the team onto the court with confidence seeping from every stride he makes, and finally-

It’s time to face Karasuno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I'm so sorry for posting this a day later than my usual schedule. Both the academic and personal sides to my life have been getting increasingly worse and more busy. Unfortunately, that kind of ties into how the next update will be in approximately two weeks instead of one- 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> EDIT 1.2.21: Due to college apps, mental illness, an abusive household, and other similar factors, this fic has been put on a hiatus for at least a few months. However, it will definitely return, as I have so many cool ideas and plot thread planned!! Thank you so much for your support!


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